Now there’s a buzz word! Self-care! Bing bing bing! It feels as though in today’s world you cannot go a day without hearing about self-care. Scrolling through Instagram? Here’s a pastel post on how “self-care isn’t selfish.” Checking up on your Facebook friends? Look at this, a Very Well Mind article about the importance of self-care (posted by that girl who’s in a pyramid scheme of course). You go to your weekly scheduled therapy appointment and your therapist asks you how you practice self-care – I’m a therapist by profession by the way; I’ll get in to this in a moment.
You see it everywhere nowadays, but what is self-care? The World Health Organization defines self-care as, “the ability of individuals, families and communities to promote health, prevent disease, maintain health, and to cope with illness and disability with or without the support of a healthcare provider”…..hmmmm, talk about vague. A simpler definition from PsychCentral describes self-care as, “any activity that we do deliberately in order to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health”, ok? Strangely enough, Socrates is said to be the father of the self-care movement. His age-old adages of “care of the soul” and “know thyself” have gone on to inspire the concepts of self-awareness, and his practice of “chain of care” is an ancient precursor to the expression “pay it forward” (also a terrible movie, starring Haley Joel Osment).
At its very core, self-care is a wonderful idea, and the original intentions behind it were benevolent. The idea behind self-care is self-explanatory, it’s literally about taking care of yourself. Self-care is about getting eight hours of sleep a night, getting at least a half an hour of exercise a day, drinking plenty of water, having a strong support system, practicing proper hygiene, and various other ADL’s. Self-care has a beautiful history backing it as well. The Women’s Liberation Movement and Civil Rights Movement both used self-care as a revolutionary act to fight against the sexist, racist, and patriarchal medical system. So what the fuck went wrong?
The overall concept of self-care has been bastardized by the Western world’s love of Capitalism and consumerism. Oh great, you’re thinking, another millennial who is disgruntled with their place in life and who only has a weak grasp of what Socialism actually is. This thinking isn’t entirely off. Sure I’m not a political scientist who can tell you the ins and outs of Democratic Socialism; the nitty gritty of how politics actually work has always somewhat eluded me. What I DO know is that Capitalism is not working. The student loan crisis, paired with the exponential increase in rent and mortgages in the past twenty years, to the entirely insufficient healthcare system (which, surprisingly, no matter what side of the political spectrum someone places themselves, they can usually agree that healthcare in America sucks) has placed myself and many other millennials in a no-win situation, where we have to pursue a higher education to ensure that we have somewhat decent career options available to us down the road, with the added baggage of astronomical debt. If my father were reading this he’d refute my claim by saying something along the lines of, “I ended up with student loans too! I worked hard to eventually pay them off though.” It’s not that he would be wrong, he’s just not seeing the whole picture. The price of textbooks alone have increased a mind-blowing and infuriating 812% over 35 years, while minimum wage has depressingly not kept up with inflation – take a look at this graph and prepare to weep. Anyone with knowledge of these statistics could develop the understanding that there is something inherently wrong about the way that Capitalism operates, and that includes its reinterpretation of stress and how to cope.
Capitalism has appropriated the idea of self-care to create this fantasy mindscape that sounds dreamy and romantic. It sets an ethereal scene of someone who is able to live in stress-free bliss. Being absolutely, 100% stress-free is problematic though, especially in a world that tells you to lift yourself up by your fucking bootstraps and work hard to achieve success! When in reality, people with three jobs are struggling to make ends meet. That’s okay though, you have three jobs? Capitalism will tell you to deal with your stress by finding ways to “carve time out of your busy day” and relax with a bubble bath and a fresh martini. If that doesn’t work, try this soothing face mask that costs more than my goddamn electric bill (proceeds from the sale of this face mask DO NOT go to the author, but Clé De Peau Beauté, if you want to hit me up I’ve been looking for a lucrative sponsorship). Still not working? Here’s a water bottle from Glacce with a fucking rock in it! The rose quartz “elixir” is “helpful in enhancing communication and has the ability to make surrounding environments feel open and safe. Let your Rose Quartz Glacce Bottle serve as a guide for letting go, forgiving [yourself and others] with grace, and for attracting true love.” Plus, it makes a really, really pretty Instagram post! If I knew that sucking down particles from a pink stone was all it took to attract love I would’ve deleted the horrible dating apps and slobbered the fuck out of a rose quartz this entire time!
The point here is that self-care has become a business, and a profitable one as well. According to the LA Times, self-care alone has become a $10 billion dollar industry! Selling water bottles with pretty stones in them doesn’t sound so bad any more. Not only do you have slews of unqualified authors writing up their own version of the ultimate guide to self-care, you have workshops, retreats, life coaches, podcasts, apps, classes, spas, gurus, pamper kits. Social media is abuzz with self-care content; search for #SelfCare on Instagram and you’ll find 33.5 million posts. It has become an obsession; the snake oil of the mental health and wellness world.
So what? If someone has the money why do you care if they spend $80 on a water bottle? Or throw $5,000 down the toilet for a weekend-long, self-care retreat. Because none of it fucking works. They’re temporary band aids trying to conceal and heal a much larger, and systematic issue. A 300-page book, written by a charlatan Life Coach, is not going to fix your financial stress. There is no secret to work-life balance; the “secret” is that your job is giving you the workload of three employees and not paying you a fair wage.
Speaking of mental health, I had mentioned that I am a therapist. As a therapist, it has been indoctrinated in me to suggest self-care to clients who are presenting with mental health concerns. However, it always feels like somewhat of a cop-out. Part of that may be the obvious bias I have towards self-care as a concept, but another part is the look I see on people’s faces and the tone I hear in their voice after I suggest self-care. Clients for the most part seem disappointed to hear their therapist suggest they try self-care as the end-all, be-all of their problems, and I completely get it. If I were overwhelmed and stressed from a job that had me working 60 hours a week, and I sought help from a professional specifically meant to assist with mental health concerns and stress, I’d be pretty fucking pissed if they suggested I just take more time for myself throughout the day.
The sad truth is that it’s one of the best things we’ve got. I can teach you all about Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, I can teach you how to reframe your negative thinking, I can teach you about various coping skills and stress-relieving strategies, but ultimately I cannot force you to do anything. I certainly cannot tell your job to lighten the fuck up and have more realistic expectations of you. Mental health and therapy is limited, in that you can only work with who you have in the room, which is why self-care is such a huge concept in the mental health and wellness world, because it is all about taking ownership of your own behaviors. But taking a five minute break throughout the day can only have so much of an impact. One could argue that another consequence of modern-day Consumerism is our need for solutions that are fast and easy; and effective therapy is neither fast nor easy. Will therapy continue to fit in with a Capitalistic world? That’s a topic for another article.
But back to the main point. I want you to do a little exercise. Think of your house, or let’s be honest here, anyone reading this will probably never have the ability to buy their own house, so think of your apartment! Think of all the crap you have accumulated all in the name of self-care. If I do this exercise myself I think of boxes upon boxes of candles, I think of containers of bubble bath soap that I will never use (because who the fuck wants to soak in a bath that has been used by dozens of previous tenants?), I think of essential oils, I think of various crafting supplies I bought on a whim. It’s so much useless garbage! When are you ever going to actually escape the grasps of your phone addiction to sit down and learn how to oil paint? Sorry to break it to you, probably not any time soon.
Another issue with the American Capitalistic concept of self-care is how incredibly individualistic it is. Capitalism at its core is individualistic, in all aspects of the word. You can’t afford rent? That’s your fault for buying avocado toast. You’re struggling with childcare? That’s also your fault for having kids; shouldn’t have had them in the first place! You’re overworked at your job? Again, your fault for not managing your time efficiently and not delegating enough. Is COVID19 still causing you an immense amount of anxiety? That’s completely your fault, we gave you $1,800, you should’ve had the forethought and wisdom to spread it out over nearly a year of lockdown! Self-care is no different. If you’re struggling with mental health, Capitalism has made self-care an easy go-to “solution” for all your problems. You’re depressed, anxious, stressed, overwhelmed? That’s your fault for not practicing enough self-care. Take more breaks throughout the day………but also don’t forget the 10 hours of paperwork we’ve assigned you, and it’s due tomorrow or you’re fired.
This isn’t all to say that self-care is totally worthless. If done correctly, the basics of self-care can be great for your mental health. Also keep in mind that I’m not talking about those fancy water bottles, or the 24k gold face masks. I’m talking about a regular routine you set up throughout your day to ensure that you are taking care of your basic needs. Are you showering regularly? Are you reaching out to friends? If you are spiritual, are you fulfilling this need on a regular basis? Do you have a therapist? (Again, I’m very biased here, but you should get one. They can be affordable with insurance and it’s an investment in yourself). Are you getting outside and getting some sunshine? This is self-care, not that hokey Instagram crap.
Unsolicited Opinion 